During childhood, making connections seems natural, easy, friendships just happen and they seem eternal. That best friend that we see every day sitting in the desk next to ours will always be there, right? However, growing up means realizing that, actually, relationships are not exactly effortless, and maintaining a connection is a shared commitment to keeping in touch. The Harvard Study of Adult Development, which tracked the health and lives of seven hundred twenty-four men for a scope of eighty years, proved that the quality of their relationships (romantic and platonic) impacted not only their quality of life, but helped delay mental and physical decline. The director of the study, Dr. Robert Waldinger, in his second talk for TED, drew attention to the link between loneliness and chronic stress, and put an emphasis on the importance of social fitness for a longer, healthier, and happier life.
The findings of this study are fascinating, but turning the theory into practice is easier said than done. However, creating meaningful connections that last over time is something we can learn to do. One of the first steps to take is to be intentional. In an interview for Sunday Morning of CBS News, Jane Fonda shared some wise words on friendship: “You have to pursue the people that you want to be friends with. And you have to say ‘I’m intentionally wanting to be your friend’”. One way of being intentional is having initiative. Have you seen something that reminded you of a friend during your commute? Have you heard a joke that you think they would like? Tell them! Nowadays we can communicate in seconds by just sending a text, and it will help you feel present in your loved ones’ lives even if you don’t see each other every day.
Another well-known factor for relationships to thrive is quality time. Putting away the phone for some hours and making space for a chat over a coffee or a walk can have a great impact on your social wellness. In a hyper-connected world, where we know the most about acquaintances and strangers thanks to social media, levels of loneliness are at an all-time high, that’s why striving for real connection is more important than ever. Adult life means busy schedules, but a trick to ensure you get quality time with the people you love is to create a routine with them. By scheduling brunch every Sunday with your sister, a drink on Friday after work with friends, or lunch on Wednesday with your favourite coworker, you will make sure you get the social time you need, while strengthening the bonds with the people you care about.
Another way of nurturing your connections is to be attentive. Many times, people behave as they would like to be treated. Do you have a friend that always brings you a little gift when they are back from a trip? Do you know somebody that is always sending you memes and posts that remind them of you? Try to do the same! By paying attention to the love languages of the people that surround you, they will feel seen and appreciated, showing them how important they are to you.
Emotional wellbeing is as important as your physical health, and the most important factor for emotional wellbeing is having secure attachments and fulfilling relationships. So go reach out to your friends, organize that lunch at your parents’ house, put the phone away while having dinner with your partner. By doing this you won’t only be taking care of them, you will be taking care of yourself too.
Commentaires